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Exultate Justi
Friday, March 04, 2005
 
Joining the ranks of the milbloggers?


As some of you may recall, I applied for a Direct Commission slot as a Naval Reserve Intelligence Officer in the summer of '02. I made it through the interview process, but, because of a diagnosis of asthma received as a freshman, was rejected on the basis of physical disqualification. My recruiter believed that I stood a chance at getting a waiver, so we fought on, trying to get a second, more comprehensive physical, wherein I could prove that I didn't, in fact, suffer from asthma.

After around six or seven months of trying to get this physical scheduled, The Wife™ began to feel serious misgivings about my decision to join the military. She had initially been very supportive, but once our little girl was born, she was struck with panic at the thought that I might be deployed somewhere, and that our daughter would be forced to grow up without her father - just as my wife had been. Now, as many have said, when you're married, a decision to join the military - in any capacity - involves the entire family - not just the applicant. As such, I completely understood my wife's hesitation, and felt that to proceed with my fight to join the Naval Reserve would be to act in a supremely selfish manner. Consequently, I withdrew my application in December of '03.

This decision - though I knew it to be the right one - haunted me. I have longed to serve the country, and to do my part in defending her - no matter how small. I bore no bitterness toward my wife, as I knew that she understood my desire, but couldn't help feeling the fear that had gripped her heart. Even so, I knew that my decision to withdraw my application was one that I'd regret - in one way or another - for the rest of my life.

Fast-forward to yesterday. I'd long since given up my plans to serve in uniform, and to be honest, I had made peace with the notion that I could still serve - in my current job, and further down the line, in a more hands-on intel analysis capacity with a civilian organization. I was OK with that.

When I walked through the door that separates the garage from my kitchen, I was greeted by my favorite sight in all the world - my smiling wife, and my little girl, eating a snack at the kitchen table. As I greeted them both with kisses, I noticed a red envelope on the table.

"What's this?", I asked.

"You'll just have to open it and see," said my lovely bride, "but maybe you should sit down, first", she added with a grin.

I opened the card that had been tucked inside, and was greeted by words that drew tears from my eyes, and left me speechless.

She had given me her blessing.

I'll be starting the application process again, most likely. I would doubt that I can pick it up where I left off, but that's OK. A clean start in my drive to become a Naval Reserve Intel Officer might well be fitting, given the changes made in my wife's heart, and in my renewed passion to serve.

Will I make it? I have my doubts. The Direct Commission process is very competitive, I'm not nearly as fit as I'll need to be, and at 30, I'll be right in the middle of the pack, age-wise (35 is the cutoff). Still, I'm going to get my shot to serve, and that's all I want. Just a shot. If I make it, it'll be a greater honor than I ever thought I'd receive. If not, at least I will know that I gave it my all. I'm no pollyanna. I know that, should I receive this commission, my life will simply become that much more busy, but I know that this is something I'm meant to do (or, at least, to try and do...).

I owe my gratitude to my amazing wife. I know that she still struggles with fear, and with the uncertainty that attends even Reserve life in the military, but I know she's behind me. She's looked this beast - this fear - in the eye, and she's placed her trust in God, despite it.

Bring it on.

Every man should be so lucky. I still don't know how on earth I landed her, but I'm utterly grateful that I did.

To my wife -
Thank you, my love. Thank you for seeing the desires of my heart, and for having trust enough to let me chase them. I'll do my best to make you proud.

(permalink) Posted by Jared @ 9:13 AM |

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